Hey. It’s been a minute so this is going to be a long post. I’m unapologetic about that because there are 365 days in a year and that is a long time to reflect upon. So, I’m reclaiming my time. 2017 was intense for many. It came with many positive moments along with some tough trials. If you want to read a message about resilience, broken friendships, and moving on, keep reading.
2017 was truly a year of patience, learning, gratitude, and reflection. I was focused on getting closer to GOD, finishing up my thesis, graduation, looking for that “Masters money” job, trying to lose weight, and maintain positive relationships with family and friends. Whew…barely took a breath while typing all of that [Insert inhale and exhale here]. I was dealing with so much internally and consumed by the worry of the health of a family member, yet I know that the world does not revolve around me. I checked on my friends and family from time to time.
Amongst my stress, my family and many of my friends were very supportive and gave me space when I needed space. Many were blessed with some amazing life changes. I was and still am extremely excited and happy for them. Unfortunately, more often than not, when we are going through our own battles internally, we lean into slight states of depression (I will never give into despair because I know that GOD is on my side). In all honesty, it is hard to be happy when your circumstances are not aligned with where you thought you would be during that time of your life. People express themselves differently during rough times when it comes to how they respond to good news.
While I was going through one of the most stressful moments in my life, someone dear to me was having their best year with issues here and there. While inside I was ecstatic, my current circumstances impacted the way I could react physically. Some people may see this as jealousy when in reality I was a friend who was happy for my friend and trying to be as supportive as I could while struggling with my internal battle. Long story short we spoke about our issues and got over them. During this time I was praying for clarity and to remain amongst positive people and spaces. After our initial confrontation/conversation, this person took a different route in their method of approaching another situation and said some things that broke me.
I know that people say things when they are angry but I couldn’t believe that someone I trusted and viewed as family could disrespect me and hurt me so badly. Every insecurity chapter that I had worked so hard on closing was painfully ripped open, every scar, every wound, every…everything. I pulled myself together enough to finish my thesis but I stopped living properly. I was barely hanging out with others, I cried randomly, I was angry and lashed out at others, I stopped writing, I ate unhealthy food, I stopped working out, I became weak, very weak. I was emotionally and physically drained. I soon realized that every symptom I had was a symptom of heartbreak.
Fast forward to 8 months later, I have forgiven this person because I will not let heartbreak overcome me. I am rebuilding my self-confidence, building the strength it takes to be happy. Alhumdullilah (All praise to GOD, in Arabic), 2017 was not terrible. I strengthened some amazing friendships, I read more and I was blessed with the job that GOD wanted me to be in. As cliche as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we need to go through pain because it gives us the strength that you need to persevere.
My advice to you all:
- Don’t let heartbreak overcome you. In order to live our best lives, we have to keep going. We have to. It is not fair that the other person will continue to be happy while you suffer in silence.
- Don’t mistake depressive tendencies for jealousy. We should all strive to empathize and know your friends well enough to know not to take these depression moments personally.
- Live your best life for you. Period.
- Your circumstances may be rough but you can overcome them. Just keep trying, the days will get brighter.
- No matter how many hurtful words are spewed at you, never stoop to their level. Stick to your morals and values.
2018 is going to be amazing only if you continue to pray and put in the work.In 2018, I vow to never allow what another person says about me affect how I live my life. What are your vows?
P.S. Remember #WeOnNow (Stay tuned for the post on Black Panther….I’m so excited!)
Peace and blessings, B.